| I need a cobbler or perhaps an elf. |
Man oh man. It's been crazytown up in here. School got wild, work exploded (in a good way- I love my job more every day, good thing i'm quitting to follow my boyfriend to a faraway land) and Dr Poop and I went house hunting (we decided to live in our car).
Ohio was kind of weird. We stopped by Dr Poop's new hospital and it was cute and exciting because he was so happy to see his new coworkers and they were so happy to have him on their team, and there was a lot of mutual love and jumping up and down and clapping and they made us eat lunch with them and even though lunch was kind of gross, it was so great. And after lunch we were all chatting, and they were talking to Dr Poop about research and of course my ears were all PERK PERK and poor Dr Poop, who does NOT do research as a resident, was at a bit of a loss for words and I was going to say something to bail him out and fill up a silence (BECAUSE WHY AM I ON EARTH IF NOT FOR THAT PURPOSE) when just then, one of the other doctors (some middle aged man with a pinkie ring) turned to me and said "You are going to LOVE it here. We have a LOT of malls! Our wives just shop all day long. You'll love it."
Yeah. That's me, for sure. Shopaholic!
My ass was a little bit on fire when he said that, but I decided to zip my lips and not say something smart-ass-y on Dr Poops Day Zero at his new job. I'll let him settle in a week or two before I inadvertently ruin his chances for Work Friends. And hey, who could blame the guy for thinking me a total clothes horse? I was, after all, wearing some jeans straight from the Goodwill and a shirt I got for free because I donated to a clean water well project in Uganda. (Shameless plug! Buy a t shirt! You will provide one person with clean water for FIVE DAGGUM YEARS! Do it!)
I smiled politely and said "how nice."
Then the conversation switched to where we would live, and how we should live in X part of town and not Y part of town, where we could work out, where we could grocery shop, and all the other mundane "discoveries" one makes when moving into a new city.
And this one doctor guy flashed some bleach-blinged teeth, gave my shoulder a squeeze, and said "how fun for him (Dr Poop) to have a little sidekick," and then he walked away before I could shove my little feet up his big asshole.
And yet another one of them was completely surprised when I mentioned I was still looking for a job- like, they couldn't understand why I wanted to work at all.
ARE YOU THERE GOD ITS ME MEG I THINK MY BOYFRIEND HAS LANDED US IN THE BOURGE-IEST HOSPITAL IN THE WORLD GAHHHHHHHH WASPS amen.
You guys, it was SO danged weird. I'm not saying I thought this visit had to be about me, or I expected anyone to really be interested in me at all. It was about Dr Poop being introduced to his new department, and meeting people, and I'm so happy for him because he is really excited and I wanted to be there to support him, and he WANTED me to be there, and I'm glad I was BUT BUT BUT.
I would have been happier just not saying anything, being ignored, smiling and nodding and whatever. Instead people talked to me like I was some sort of cardboard cutout of a hausfrau doctor's wife who stays at home with the children and makes dinner and bosses the help around. And though I'll admit to a penchant for saying things like "FELIX. My bed is not going to turn ITSELF down, is it?" i'm usually saying them to Dr poop or the suzer or something like that and they know enough to ignore me a good portion of the time and thirdly, there's no felix.
In any case, I got over it. We resumed apartment hunting and decided that if our car was too vulnerable to the elements, we'd live in a hotel like Eloise. Because hey, did you guys know? It's cold in Ohio! Color me surprised. We had snow and freezing rain when we were there. Upsetting.
i'd been having kind of a rough week before that trip anyway- I will spare you the bulk of the boringness save this tale:
Last week I broke my shoe whilst going to the bathroom. Number 1, not number 2, in case you were wondering. See, I was reaching reeeeee-aaaaching for the toilet paper after peeing in a bathroom at work and I guess I was straining whilst reaching, and I guess I strain with my feet? Because my shoe strap button popped off, and spun like a whirling dervish under the door frame, where it somehow lodged itself. I was wearing little mary jane style heels that now featured a left member with a floppy, vestigial strap/arm, waving in the breeze like so many windsocks advertising deals at used car lots. What's worse, I jumped up to fetch my button (which I still haven't figured out how to get back on- I tried GLUE and TAPE and when those things do not work I run out of ideas and chalk things up to An Act of God) and discovered that the rogue button was just stuck under the door frame. I had to kneel on the floor of the bathroom (woof) and claw at it ineffectually with my fingers, and when I finally knocked it loose it shot from the bathroom door frame into the hallway, and so I threw open the door to chase it and discovered- whoops- there were like five nurses out there waiting for the bathroom who probably could not guess why I'd been having some private playtime in the potty. They'd just seen my fingers moving under the door and then witnessed me go a-tumbling into the hallway.
All I could say, when faced with these five stony faces and having no suitable-sounding explanation on hand was:
"Don't worry. I totally washed my hands." |
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| 24 Comments: |
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I would just like to point out that you were in the good part of Ohio, so... YAY for you?
Also, it's not always cold here. It also gets disgustingly hot and muggy, so you have that to look forward to!
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Allow me to be the voice of reason here: San Diego is a great city (ask Lainey!). There is plenty of housing, people love doctors and chances are, on the first day of work, they'll tell you about the best time to go surfing. Also, not to brag, but I'm here. As is sunshine--year round. I'm just saying, it's an option you and the Doctor should consider.
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Yay for you following your heart - look at it this way, you'll have a chance to finally civilise the WASPy coworkers. Sure, you could go to Sandy Eggo, but it's painfully hot and earthquake-prone down there. Coastal Canada's nice any time of year - remember Vancouver from the Olympics? Awesome. Beautiful. Diverse. Perfection! Or Halifax, maybe closer to home for you - brilliant, lovely, friendly, and welcoming. (Psst - Toronto's totally central and diverse but it alternates between deep freezer on steroids and smelly armpit in the middle of a stinky humid hot place. And is endlessly mocked by the rest of the country for being the self-proclaimed centre of the universe.).
And we don't have Tea Baggers up here.
When shall I book your flight?
LH
PS - your bathroom story made me crack up in class. I sit in the front row, but thankfully the prof had taken a walk.
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girl, fix those shoes. There's nothing cuter in this world than little mary jane heels.
and if you find an elf, send it down this way.
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Shit, those are some pretty wickedly asshatty comments. I promise not all Ohioans are like that. I'm not, none of my friends are.
Plus if you are relocating to the capital (I'm guessing just based on the "lots of malls" comment because holy fuck, Columbus has one every 75 feet), uh, back to what I was going to say... there is a kickass icecream shop that you absolutely positively must try. It's pricey but the world is a better place once you have it.
http://jenisicecreams.com/
Their Pistachio is the best of my life.
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I'd like to respond to lordhelmet with "Wooo! Halifax!"
Also...
Hi, meg.
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This post sure did give me the giggles!
:)
Kate x
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Perhaps you should get a cat named Felix and then at least you'd have someone to direct your commands to.
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Oh, mama! I can empathize. One of Rob's academy classmates, when referring to his future children, "I just hope I don't have girls." Rob looked a little panic-stricken when I cocked my head to the side and all the air seemed to leave the room.
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A new post - yay! The other day someone actually told me, without a trace of irony, that they are having trouble finding a good maid. I'm surprised you didn't hear my eyes rolling in Ohio. Glad you're back!
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Plenty of time coming up for you to put your little foot or little-medium-large whatever (aspirator ? baseball bat ? orange ?) up their big assholes...or...host a dinner party where guests have to do a recognizable Play-Do sculpture before they get to eat, no booze and bollywood music !!! Torture them I say !!
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I wish I had a Felix.
And Meg, I am REALLY proud of you for not mouthing off (rightly so) to Dr. Poop's new coworkers. There will be plenty of time for you to teach them a lesson later. Might as well let him settle in first.
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Changes are difficult, no matter if you're in Brazil or the United States.
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I agree with Carlos.
Also, having been around med students for nearly four years now, I can attest to the startling and disheartening fact that a high percentage of them take general douchebaggery to such astonishing levels that the thought of their someday being legally able to stick their digits into strangers gives me cramps. 'Socially inept' seems to be one of the pre-reqs to getting into a medical school.
Not all pre-doctors are this way, mind you. Just a lot of them. There are always outliers. Dr. Poop is clearly an outlier.
Also, I'm originally from Ohio and I'm happy that you guys are happy, but wow....Ohio. Gird your loins for wind and flat.
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I've been randomly surfing the blogs, you're a funny, funny girl.
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Hey Meg, the bestest writer in all of the intertubes - please don't tell me you're quitting schooling to follow Dr Poop. I think's fab charming from your stories, and I'm glad he makes you happy, but dammit you've got a burgeoning career too.
Also - Portland Or-ee-gon is beautiful! OHSU is good to their doctors.
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Come baaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!!
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Miss ya Meg.
Hope you're well!
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One year today you quit blogging. I wish you success and happiness x 1 bajillion. I will always love you.
~ Some dude
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You must be having too much fun with Dr. Poop and living in Ohio to post. Really wish you'd come back, though... I'm probably not the only one who would like to read about all your new adventures!
-- lurker, who's enjoyed all the posts you made so far.
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Just another lurker who comes back every few months to see if you have returned and always feel a bit sad when I see that you have not...
Hope all is well and I'm jealous of the folks that get to experience your humor and wit on a daily basis...
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Name: A Lover and a Fighter
Home: New York, NY
About Me: "It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information."
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I would just like to point out that you were in the good part of Ohio, so... YAY for you?
Also, it's not always cold here. It also gets disgustingly hot and muggy, so you have that to look forward to!