Hobocamp

Thursday, January 14, 2010

I lost two bets in one week. Geoff, did you know that?

There's been a lot going on around here, much of it putting me in a really bad mood, but the nice thing about life is that it's rare for ALL your things to be upsetting ALL the time. So I'm going to tell you about the things that have been entertaining to me in the last few weeks.

I got Dr Poop some guest passes to my gym for Christmas, mostly because my gym has an indoor pool with a water slide and a play area, and there are few things Dr Poop likes more than a water slide. I was stunned when he actually wanted to work out at the gym part of my gym with me. So sometimes we'll go work out, go play in the pool, take a shower, and go home and go to sleep. The other day was particularly chilly here, and the pool was heated, so the whole evening was cosy and warm and fun.

When we got back to Dr Poop's house, he surprised me with this little cake thing he'd gotten at a new bakery in town. Neither one of us really loves cake, but he said he'd gone in to the bakery to check it out and then felt compelled to buy something. Anyway. So Dr Poop doesn't have a couch at his house. He has the bacheloriest of bachelor pads. Like, one step up from a college apartment, meaning inherited-from-grandma furniture but a super nice tv. Instead of a couch, he has this big ass recliner which he "assembled" himself so it's kind of loud and wobbly and maybe a bit uneven. Usually we sit in it together, and it's comfortable and whatever but sometimes we're like "GOD, MOVE YOUR EVERYTHING AND QUIT TOUCHING ME." But this particular night, we fit well and were sharing this cake thing, but the way that we were sitting made it so that each of us were eating with our non-dominant hand.

"Hey!" I said. "We're both eating with our non dominant hand!"

"Yeah, I noticed that too," he said.

"You did?"

"Yeah, because we're both eating like idiots."

"I bet i can eat with my non-dominant hand better than you can," I said.

"Bullshit."

We started eating this mediocre cake thing as fast as we could, me with my left hand and him with his right, and this really shitty cake was being consumed dangerously fast, and I thought I was winning and as I turned to him to gloat, I forked myself right in the face. I scraped my lip and got chocolate on my ear and cheek.

I thought perhaps he hadn't seen my little slip, so I pretended it didn't happen. "I win," I said smugly.

I guess, despite my earlier assumption, he actually DID have the gift of sight because he said "I think you're bleeding. And no, you don't."

"This cake sucks."

"Too bad!"
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A few days later, we were sitting in his kitchen and I asked what he was going to do for the rest of the day. You see, my schedule was like this: Go to work, go to class, study, go back to work and check on my samples, go home, do laundry, Quality Time With Roommate, and study a bit more before bed. (It was a weekend)

I'm not whining about that, by the way- it's a totally reasonable day. All at my own pace and lovingly peppered with hot coffee. And it was actually kind of nice. But I just think it's funny because this was his day: Eat a granola bar. Count some change. Maybe watch football later but no pressure.

What? do my laundry, mister.

Anyway, he had this glass milk bottle (probably a half gallon or so? gallon? I don't know. perhaps this is part of the problem.) in which he was storing change. Apparently, the time had come for him to cash it in.

"How much do you think I have in there?"

"Seven dollars." The bottle was only half full.

"No way. There's at least thirty dollars in there."

"HORSESHIT."

"Wanna bet?"

We decided that loser would have to make dinner for winner- any meal of the winner's choosing. Further delineating the bet, we split the difference between his bet and mine, and decided that 18 dollars or less, I was the winner, and 18.01 or more, he was the winner.

"Fine."

"Fine."

"You'd better buy some cookbooks."

"Oh, you mean so that I can pick out my favorite recipes?"

"Yeah, your favorite recipes you want to cook for ME."

"So that I can show you how to cook so you don't mess up my meal? yeah, good plan."

Ladies and gentlemen.

Do you know how much money was in that fucking god forsaken jar of bullshit change that was probably, actually, in real life, DOUBLOONS???

DO YOU KNOW?

107.57
AMERICAN
DOLLARS.

I LOST BY OVER ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS.

I don't understand. I blame some dangling chad business because I absolutely do not understand how there could have been that much money in that stupid bottle.

Whatever.

posted by A Lover and a Fighter at 9:31 PM -

3 Comments:

At 8:39 AM, Anonymous said…

$100? That boy is worth his weight in gasoline! Tell your mom that he really is a keeper. What did you cook him?

Piney
At 3:51 PM, Hollywood Sucker said…

Oh counting change is THE BEST! But did you actually count it yourself or take it to one of those coinstar things at the grocery store?
At 12:59 PM, Anonymous said…

I literally just laughed myself to tears.

Thank you SO much - I needed that today. :)