Hobocamp

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

so my gorgeous friend marie has been pregnant just forEVER, and she was due last friday but we still don't have a baby, and everyone is just desperate for the new little one to make his or her appearance so time.is.CRAWLING. Marie and her husband, Marco, are of the belief that the gender of the baby should remain unknown until delivery, so we've all been throwing pronouns around willy nilly while we wait on pins and needles for this little nugget to arrive. STOP BEING SELFISH, BABY. Just kidding. We're excited to meet you! Especially your crazy aunt meg! I'll teach you all your swears!

Last night the suzer and I were texting because Marie had headed into the hospital, giving us false hope. Oh, and my friends have a last name that resembles a condiment, so for anonimity's sake I'll refer to them here as the Ketchupsons.

You should also know that Marie and Marco name their children traditional welsh names which all look like this: Kywhllyn and Rhyssfyssny and Mgdrwgdnnkpl. They're not pronounced like that, but they certainly will never be pronounced correctly on the first day of school for the rest of these children's lives, I can guarantee you that. "Ummmm...Kayyyyy...um. No, wait. Kyyywhyyy...hold on. Kyyyywhale? Kywhaling? Is your name KyWailing?" "Yeah. It's kywailing. Call me Kim. Whatever. I don't care."

Anyway, back to the post. So the Suzer and I were texting back and forth with baby updates. And the following conversation took place, which I am documenting in case the baby ever wants to know what his or her name COULD have been. He/She should count his/her blessings that Suzer and I were not his/her mom/z.

me: Hey, Marie is in labor and going to the hospital

suzer: i foresee a shit ton of giving thanks references

me: i hope they name the baby blessings mcwishbone

Suzie: Giblet O'Fortune

Me: Turkeyneck von Secret Cigarettes

Suzie: Buckles le Magic poop, duke of stale asshole bread

me: neck wattle. Neck wattle ketchupson.

Suzie: Hegemony Carcass Ketchupson

me: Turkey Lurkey

Suz: And so it was written. Their son is named Turkey lurkey Ketchupson

me: you know there is some weird ass middle name in there too- something entirely bereft of vowels

Suzer: Turkey Llrkgy Ketchupson

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Update! The baby is here! I will not reveal his name so as to protect his wee adorable little identity, but rest assured there are no vowels in it. Nary a one. So we got that part right.

Welcome to the world, baby boy! We are all so glad you are here! Love you, Marie! xoxoxoxooxxo

posted by A Lover and a Fighter at 8:16 PM -

2 Comments:

At 7:44 AM, Anonymous said…

Long time lurker, first time commenter ... i laughed so hard I was literally crying. You. Are. Hilarious!
At 5:52 PM, Anna von Beaverplatz said…

I have never had any desire to have a child. However, in order to name one Turkeyneck von Secret Cigarettes, it seems I will have to.

That is on your head, missy.