| ...that perches in the soul... |
I usually keep this blog free of relationship talk, because what I've found of relationship talk is that- dating disasters aside, of course- it's usually only interesting to the people in the relationship, and sometimes not even then. But bear with me a bit, or skip today's post- I'm fine either way- because I've gotten a few questions about my romantic life and though I can't fathom why anyone is interested, I will elaborate a bit on what's happening between me and Dr Poop.
So, in short, he's pretty great, as far as human beings go. He's funny, smart, passionate about his job, a good guy- everything I really look for in a friend OR a partner. We get along well, like each other's friends, and his mom likes me. At this point we've been dating for roughly ten months, though the other night we decided that because we see each other so infrequently (both of us having erratic and complicated work schedules, plus I'm in school, plus various out of town jaunts by either party) it's safe to say we've REALLY only been dating for six weeks or so. Perhaps this is just the honeymoon period.
Dr Poop is a pediatric resident right now, and once he finishes his residency in June, he'll move to Ohio to start a fellowship in gastroenterology. I will finish with my program in May, take the MCAT in June, and then have a year off from school while I am applying to med programs.
So what happens next? Do I move to Ohio? Do I move somewhere else? Do I stay here? (That last one is a trick. I'm blowing this popstand as soon as I have my degree in my hot little paws.) Do Dr Poop and I break up? Do we try long distance? Do I move in with him?
It's really complicated. Because if I move with him, we can live together and hang out for a year or whatever while I'm applying, but suppose I get in somewhere in Chicago (my goal). I'll start med school while he has another 2 years of fellowship. And though we've discussed how we both want to end up in Chicago, it's the middle couple of years that are anyone's guess. I'm not sure I'm cut out for long-distance relationships. It also could be that moving with him to Ohio would just be delaying the inevitable- a break up. Plus I'd have to live in Ohio, which is NOT my favorite state. (Have you guys noticed that Ohio is so sneaky when it comes to size? Like you never realize how enormous it is until you try to drive through it, and then you're like HOW HAVE WE BEEN IN OHIO FOR FIVE DAYS THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE. Right?)
Or.
I could move to Ohio, apply to med school there, get in (ha!), and we could get married and I could start adopting my babies and maybe popping out one or two biological ones, if he insists. (I tell you what, though- any kid Dr Poop and I have together had better stock up on the sunscreen. I've found the only man on earth with less pigment than I. Seriously, when we're naked we look like two pieces of chalk- one big and one little. Perhaps our children will be of extremely average height though...there is that to consider. They would also be extremely moody. Watch out, world!)
If I had to predict it now, I'd say we'll break up before he leaves. He's pretty wonderful as far as boyfriends go, but I'm just not the kind of girl who can abandon her dreams and follow a man, all willy nilly. I'm not built like that.
And that will be sad, but it won't be the worst thing in the world. It will mean that an end has come to a very nice relationship with a very nice boy.
A boy who calls me every night before we go to sleep,
who brings me coffee and a vitamin in bed every morning we wake up together,
who washes my car every time I go out of town (and god knows, that's the only time poor Volvo gets washed because i certainly do not do it),
who is at his happiest while watching baseball and enjoying a Slurpee (hurl) while I study next to him,
who scours sephora.com during his overnight shift looking for a particular lip gloss that I ran out of and adored, and when he can't finds it he sends me a gift card to the site with a note saying "buy more lip gloss- you can never have too much,"
who sleeps so soundly and so skillfully that sometimes I contemplate punching him while he snoozes (out of jealousy),
who rubs my back and tells me I'll get into medical school, even though neither one of us knows if it's true,
who geeks out about architecture,
who is equally as apt to bring me flowers as he is to moon me,
who I have to stand on a stepstool to kiss face-to-face,
who thinks he's really metrosexual because he uses hair conditioner,
and
who I am really happy to see, each and every time.
And to have had someone like that in your life, even briefly? I think that makes me pretty lucky.
Right? |
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| 18 Comments: |
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Oh missy-lou, that's a hard one. I have to say though, that out of all of Dr. Poop's AMAZING attributes,
"who scours sephora.com during his overnight shift looking for a particular lip gloss that I ran out of and adored, and when he can't finds it he sends me a gift card to the site with a note saying "buy more lip gloss- you can never have too much,"
this makes him a keeper like no other! My word, but that's not something you find *EVER*.
Ohio's not so bad. I moved here from San Diego and thought I would probably die within 4 weeks, I hated it so much. I've been here 10 years now and I've not only grown accustomed to it, I like it. Plus? They put cheese on EVERYTHING here. What's not to like about that?
What part of Ohio and will you be near family or friends, too?
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he washes your car? And sends you Sephora gift cards? Ummm....if you do break up w/ him, which I do not recommend, please let me know as I may divorce my husband for him.
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I agree with everyone else... don't let him get away! The Sephora thing alone... *swoon* :) Good luck with your studies and future moves, wherever they may find you. :)
p.s. My word verification is "raimmuni," which either sounds like a fancy Ramen-noodle-containing dish. Or a disease.
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I can see why you're not sure what to do but....I have to say....my husband is the only man I have ever met that understands and caters to my lip gloss addiction. That makes him a keeper in my book so Dr. Poop? Ya. Keep him. You'll never find that again and it's the little things like that that make a relationship wonderful and that make it WORK.
.....but I also understand not wanting to give up your dreams. There has to be a middle ground in there somewhere.
P.S. The zoo in my state (Utah) has about ten different Mold-A-Rama's! :)
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Ohio is not so bad.
Though you are right about the sneaky enormity. I curse it mightily each time we drive to Chicago.
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From what you're saying, he sounds darling. I have no idea what you should do--it's a tough decision and there are never any guarantees in any relationships. That said, plans change all the time. You've walked down a long and windy path to get where you are now, and it wasn't all planned. Maybe plans and dreams can change...
Good luck and enjoy whatever time you have together.
(PS I'm secretly hoping you stay together and have baby chalks because they'd be adorable.)
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Hmmm, I think it says a lot that you're even considering the possibility of that second 'or' - y'know? Having said that, I also firmly and completely understand the "I'm not that kind of girl" and why should you give up your dreams and all. But May & June are a ways off, and it's a good sign that both of you are already thinking that far ahead... come back in March or April and we can talk further about this, if you want.
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Assuming you have ruled out that perhaps you are experiencing (1) a fear of commitment, or (2) a fear of rejection ... a couple of years in the overall scheme of life is just a blink, sweetie. Awesome relationships don't just drop out of the sky every five years, trust me on that. Would you actually be giving up your dreams or would you be exercising a measure of flexibility in order to stay together AND still go to med school? I've got the looks, the brains, the sense of humour ... and here I am alone at 49 with no prospects in sight (blame that in part on the fact that I'm currently living in Idaho). You're a grown woman and only you know what is in your heart and soul, but the one thing I urge you to consider is that flexibility. You are going to go through a lot of changes every five years or so between 25 and 45 ... and dreams don't *have* to meet a specific set of criteria if you want true happiness. I only wish I had known that 15 years ago. xoxox
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He sounds like a douche. You need to break up with him asap and git wit me.
~ Piney, who would buy a lip gloss FACTORY for you.
PS, Maxine, I'm sorry I gave you that bad dose of raimmuni. I didn't know I had it even, honest.
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Dr. Poop certainly sounds like a keeper...except for that unfortunate name ;)
Re: "I'm just not the kind of girl who can abandon her dreams and follow a man." Modifying your plans and giving up your dreams are two very different things. What you describe...going to med school, adopting and/or making babies...seems to be what you want in life, only if you go with Dr. Poop, your "dreams" will come true in Ohio.
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Gotta agree. 2 years is not so much in the grand scheme of things. And once you have babies in the mix, life suddenly feels like there's only 5 minutes left of it and there's SO MUCH TO DO BEFORE IT'S OVER. Maybe that's just me ... ... On a related but not very helpful note, I remember arguing w/ my new husband about who would drive. I was used to being single, and he was used to women who let him drive all the time. Having 2 drivers in a family can work, it just takes a bunch more communication, and flexibility, and compromise. ... If you're happier with him than without him, it's worth trying to keep it going. When that balance shifts to the opposite side, let him go.
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"we barely knew each other, but he smiled every time he saw me, and you can build a life on that."
just let it be, meg, and see where life takes you. yes, you're already more lucky than most people will ever be, but why should that be enough?
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If you can find a way to compromise, to meld your two potential life paths together? That would be ideal. I left NYC - my beloved city - for my now-husband. At the time I really struggled with the idea that I was giving up myself and my dreams for him. But hey - I found new goals and new dreams that worked in my new city. Go with your gut.
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dangerous curves and lemonade are spot on. 1-2 years isn't giving anything up. its compromise.
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I'm currently separated by necessity from my wife of 6 years, for a total of 4 months. I got accepted to law school on the other side of the continent from where she's finishing her nursing school. Neither of us gave up on each other, but didn't obstruct each other's desires. How are we coping? Skype video chat every other day or so. And staying busy. If your 10 months with him only equates to 6 weeks, by my math (carry the 2) that comes to about 7-14 more weeks (assuming 1-2 years). If he's that good for you, isn't that worth giving a shot in the worst case? Who knows where you'll end up? Let fate unfold as it will, as you can't alter it anyway. You can however influence your relational future with Dr.P, and it seems a shame to pre-emptively discard something special.
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Oh Megs. DP sounds like an amazing, fantastic, awesome gem of a man.
I'm currently in a long-distance relationship with the most wonderful guy I've ever met. I never thought it would happen for me, but it's worth it every day. Do what feels right for you, and follow your heart. You don't have to give up your dreams. Just expand them.
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Typically I just lurk and enjoy the hell out of your posts. Also, typically, I don't meddle in people's affairs. This time, however, I must speak up.
I could not possibly agree more with DanjerusKurves. Please read what she wrote again and again and again and again and again.
I'm just like her. Got the looks, the brain and the humor but I was not flexible enough to allow anyone in my life. I, too, did not wish to "give up my dreams" for a guy. I was also quite independent. And currently, there are no prospects.
Listen to what others are saying. It is possible to have both.
As DKurves said, please do not wake up when you are 49, (or 40 as I am), and realize this too late.
You are funny, witty, smart as a whip and you seem to have a loving soul. I would hate for you to look back on your life with any regrets at all.
Finally, as someone else said: Think about if you are happier with him or without him. Next summer is a long way off and of course anything can happen, BUT, this is the time to do all that heavy thinking so that when the time comes, you are better prepared and completely sure of your decision.
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Name: A Lover and a Fighter
Home: New York, NY
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