Hobocamp

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

So as we discussed, I spent two weeks in August traipsing about the woods in the northeastern part of this country. In addition to a week on Bartha's Pinyard, I also spent a week at my favorite place on earth- Birch Camp. For those of you who don't know, Birch Camp is a weeklong residential camp for children and families affected and infected by HIV/AIDS. I have worked there for years and it's one of the best life choices I've ever made. It's the happiest week of every year, and I'm so lucky it came into my life.

Anyway, schmaltz aside, camp takes place in the woods (shocking). And Bartha's Pinyard, while not particularly rural, has a very woodsy section which is where I was staying and child wrangling. Essentially what this means is that I spent two weeks straight in the woods. Not the same way some hard core camping lady might have- I never cooked my food over a flame or dug a hole in which to poop or anything- but I definitely was in the woods, climbing after kids, chasing toddlers, and going on hikes/nature walks every day for 14 days.

So in addition to a smattering of poison ivy (to be expected), I also picked up my fair share of ticks. And by my fair share, I mean all of them. Every single goddamned tick on the eastern seabord had their family reunion on my body. I'm not joking. I'd do tick checks on all the kids, every day, and maybe I'd find ONE crawling on someone, or a little bugger on somebody's shirt or something, but no lie- I'd get back to my bed at night and find at least two or three already having a picnic on my leg, or my hip, or my shoulder or...you get the idea.

I should also mention that both areas are in what is considered a high-risk area for Lyme Disease, as determined by the CDC.

I'm sure you see where this is going.

The day before I flew home, I started feeling achy and tired. I assumed this was because of all the physical activity of the week combined with all the not sleeping. The day that I was to get on the plane, I was nauseous, feverish, had chills and sweats, and my body hurt. I arrived at the airport, stumbled through security like a drunk lady, made it to my gate and FELL ASLEEP IN PUBLIC LIKE A HOBO. You guys, it was tragic. I was mortified when I woke up. And I must have looked super ill because some man insisted on carrying my carry on for me. "I can do it," I said.

"You're as white as a sheet," he replied, hoisting my overstuffed bag on his shoulder.

"I always look like this!"

But he carried it to my seat and then went around the airplane stealing extra blankets for me. I would have thanked him more profusely but I was asleep the moment I buckled myself up, before I could even do the Mensa test section in the in-flight magazine.

I didn't move until we touched down.

Dr Poop picked me up from the airport and drove me straight to his place. I'm sure he thought we were going to have super awesome reunion sex but instead I crawled into his bed and took a five hour nap. I have intermittent memories of him coming in and trying to rouse me, and I think he gave me tylenol at one point, but I can't be sure. I was gone gone gone.

And I am not a napper, ladies and gentlemen. I do not sleep well ever, but I especially do not sleep well in the middle of the day.

At one point, he got into bed and napped with me, but I think he left after a gentleman's hour and a half or something. Pussy. Can't keep up.

Around about six pm, I woke up and was feeling a lot more human. He came into his room, got into bed with me, and pulled me into his arms. "Shit," he said. "You're hot."

"It's hot in here."

"No, it's not. You have a fever." He started pawing at my forehead in the ineffectual way people do when they want to use their own body temperature to gauge yours. "Do you have a fever? You do. You are burning up!"

"I feel fine," I said. Automatic reaction. NEVER LET THEM SEE YOU SWEAT. Except I might be sweating a little in a minute because MY GOD I WAS BALLS OUT ON FIRE it was so hot.

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely. Let's go to dinner. I'm just going to take a quick powernap first." And I rolled over and closed my eyes. For ANOTHER HOUR.

Finally, I woke up, drenched in my own sweat (sorry, this is gross). My fever must have broken because I felt a lot better- my body didn't hurt, my head didn't hurt, and getting dressed was way less effort than it had been that morning.

Dr Poop and I went to dinner and it was lovely- a very nice night to be back at home. And I really didn't think of my little personal sweat lodge episode again until a few days later.

For some reason, I had been thinking about the magnitude of ticks I'd pulled from my body. And then my flu like symptoms that followed. "Hey," I said to Dr Poop. "Betcha I have Lyme disease."

Let the record show that they day prior I'd claimed to have leprosy.

Just so we're clear, I'm not a hypochondriac- I merely happen to think overreaction is funny. Think crutches for splinters, just-in-case- eye patches, and enormous bandaids for small wounds. Funny.

"You do not have lyme disease," Dr Poop said.

Let the record show here that there was A LITTLE CONDESCENSION TO THAT TONE.

"I could," I said. "I had all those tick bi-"

"You don't."

"Well you don't KNOW that I don't," I said, starting to get ticked (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA). "It's not outside of the realm of possibility for me to have Lyme disease."

"Oh my goodness. You do NOT have lyme disease."

"EFF YOU I'll SHOW YOU MY LYME DISEASE."

And then I got a blood test- OUT OF SPITE.

I of course promptly forgot about the blood test (because I really didn't think I had lyme disease) until they called me with the results. Positive Lyme Titre! I laughed out loud on the phone.

Lyme Disease, if left untreated, is terrible awful horrible no good very bad. I just have really early lyme, which is easily treated with antibiotics for 21 days. Plus, my local grocery store offers free antibiotics so it was really the least traumatic episode of Lyme ever.

Let the record show that I am being a total asshole about my accidental Lyme Disease victory.

"DP, will you get me some water? I would get it myself but it hurts my Lyme," I will say weakly from the recliner. "Oh, DP, I was going to take out the trash but it would probably help me recover from my lyme if YOU do it...Wait, you want me to drive? ooohh, I can't. on accounta my lyme, you see..."

Watching me take my doxycycline every morning and every night is almost too much for poor, stoic Dr Poop to bear.

"I can't believe this crap. Who did you pay to falsify that test?" he'll mutter as I loudly proclaim how brave I am and all the adversity I am overcoming at this very moment, even.

"Don't be bitter just because I am a better diagnostician than you."

Hey-oh! Who's loveable!?

This girl!

Anyway, I just have another week or so on my doxy and then I'm Lyme-free.

xoxoxoxox

meg

posted by A Lover and a Fighter at 8:02 AM -

10 Comments:

At 7:14 PM, Lainey said…

I don't think I'm supposed to laugh at someone's misfortune and illness, but I can't help it - it's so funny! It's partly funny because *I* had Leprosy this morning (I think it's gone into remission or something) and I was pretty sure I had either a broken leg or my foot was asleep (it's SUPER hard to tell them apart without an x-ray) about an hour ago, so I totally identify with your awesome diagnostician skills - you're like House! Good job!

(PS: I'm glad you caught it early and are ok!)
At 12:25 AM, Yvo Sin said…

Why am I taking doxy for something totally different?

Also: glad you're okay. Good thing about that spite you got.
At 6:46 AM, peterdewolf said…

It's probably weird that my first thought after reading this (other than "meg is funny as shit") is "I wonder what comments Piney is going to make."
At 8:35 AM, kelsi said…

i'm super glad that spite led you to the doctor early. that lyme disease is a bastard.
At 2:20 PM, vegoutwithus said…

Grocery stores in Missouri give out antibiotics?? Minnesota sucks!

-Mindy
At 4:27 PM, A Lover and a Fighter said…

lainey- I know! Leprosy is going around!

yvo- because doxy treats a gazillion things. it's also a really common anti-malarial. I've had to take it for that before. it's prescribed all the time. Let's pretend you are taking it for lyme too! Twinsies!

pdw- something utterly charming, i just know it.

kelsi- good old spite. and i am so lucky to have an in house Lyme expert and best friend in one!

mindy- i know. it's a benefit.
At 9:09 AM, Artemis Archer said…

Don't forget to take lots of probiotics!

Also, if the antibiotics give you hallucinations you should definitely write a blog about it. I didn't know that they could do that until I took a long course of them once and thought I was going crazy... and I feel like you might be the one other person besides me who would get the rare crazy side effects from totally normal drugs.
At 2:21 PM, juniperjune said…

That is awesome. I also took a lyme test out of spite & got positive results; I went to my doctor with a big terrible rash and he told me I had poison ivy and I told him I was not allergic to poison ivy, so he sent me home with some topical poison ivy creme. Then I spent hours looking at rashes on the internet (always a fun pasttime!) and called the doctor back asking to be given a lyme disease test. "I'll do it," he said, "but you do not have lyme disease." And, of course, I had lyme disease.
At 6:42 PM, accidentallygraceful said…

I'm glad you were able to spite Dr. Poop as well as only have the treatable version of Lyme Disease.

I call that a win-win in my book.
At 4:21 PM, Yvo Sin said…

I'm afraid to tell you what I was taking it for... also, I <3 juniperjune's response.