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When I was in college, I was fortunate enough to live with my best friends in a ridiculous suite that we somehow managed to wrangle from Residential Life. It was heaven on earth, basically.
 Halloween. Top, L to R- Bonnie McGee (Her halloween costume was "tits mcgee") Shmift, Fudge, Sarah Marie. Second row, me (my costume was Lady Hulk), and Jen. Bottom- Dawg and the Suzer
We had a really, really good time. I think it was one of the happiest times of my life- we were all surrounded by love all the time, basically. And I laughed all the time.
Mostly, I loved the shenanigans involved. I was in lab today and I got the giggles pretty badly and nearly fucked up my experiment because I was remembering one Shenanigan in particular.
Today in lab I had to make a siphon to measure the decomposition of KClO3 and the TA asked me "Have you ever worked with a siphon before?" See, the answer to that is "Yes. But not in a scientific context." Because my only prior experience with siphoning anything was our junior year when we had a pool party in our dorm room.
The girls and I had somehow snagged an awesome suite in a beautiful dorm that year- it slept six women with three large bedrooms and a party-sized common space. Shmifter had been named the treasurer of her sorority and as such had a huge budget from which to draw for the planning of events, dinners, etc. She suggested that we use some of her sorority money to buy the fanciest inflatable kiddie pool that any of us had ever seen, and she'd do some backwards justification by keeping it at the sorority house after our party. "I'll just tell them that the girls wanted me to buy one," she reasoned. "They never look at anything I do anyway." Someone sounds destined for a career in public office, methinks!
Anyway, that sounded just dandy to us. So off we went to the local WalMart and found the most ostentatious, high tech, bells-and-whistles kiddie pool ever made. It was about the size of our common area, it was three feet high, it had a slide and a floating palm tree fountain. It even had sections- an actual deep end!- and it was amazing. We spread the word that the party was in our room this weekend, and it was a pool party, so come prepared.
"A pool party!?" everyone exclaimed. "But its February!"
"Don't worry. It will be a heated pool," we promised.
"Gross. Sounds like a breeding ground for bacteria," some people said.
"You are no longer invited."
A couple of the girls didn't have class on Fridays, so that is when preparations truly began. We inflated the pool in shifts so as to minimize passing out and inflating-related headaches. We went to the local FarmNFleet and bought huge horse syringes to fill with vodka to make the floating vodka watermelons that would be bobbing in between guests. We mixed up other cocktails and decorated the party room. And finally, it was time to address the issue of filling that beast of a pool.
We were lucky enough to have some very handsome young men serve as our cabana boys, and I am not embarrassed to admit that we made them wear just black pants and bow ties. One of the cabana boys was a very good friend of mine (I'm attending his wedding next month! Eeee!) and he had the misfortune of living next door, so we dragged him over to our place and explained his duties.
"Jeffy," we said. "We are going to lower this hose down to the nozzle three floors below. Your job is to suck the hose hard enough that you create the pressure difference necessary to force the water to flow UP to our room, instead of down and out. Okay?"
"I have to suck the hose?" he asked.
"Yes please. Really, really hard."
"Okay," he said. God bless him. This is on the list of things we probably won't mention to his future wife. "Congratulations on a beautiful wedding! Your husband used to suck our hose."
We filled the pool three quarters of the way with room temperature water, and then added boiling water to heat it up. The cabana boys were in charge of keeping the pool heated all night.
People loved it. We had dozens of people in our room, taking turns making drinks and sitting in the pool and having diving competitions. Some kids even showed up in full on swim gear- like swim caps and goggles and nose plugs. It was really fun.
Until, of course, yours truly ruined everything.
The suzer and I got into an argument (not a real one) about something- I can't even remember what. I DO remember that we decided to settle it by wrestling. I am sure you see where this is going.
We were standing in the six inches or so of floor space NOT dedicated to the pool when the shoving began.
Shove.
Shove.
Shove HARDER.
Recover, tit punch.
Gasp! Laugh. Dive and tickle.
Full on wrestling ensues.
We were engaged in that ridiculous, drunken, laughing-so-hard-you-aren't-making-noise-and-can't-stop kind of play fighting that always results in tears when it happened:
I overpowered her, thrust her off of me, and we both landed in a tangle on the side of the inflatable pool.
Obviously, the two of us caused the side of the pool to cave in a bit and a tsunami of lukewarm vodka-flavored water surged over our bodies and onto the carpet-covered floor.
There was a huge collective intake of breath, and then a lot of "Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm! You guyssssssssss! Look what you did!"
Water was, of course, everywhere. She and I were soaked and arguing over whose fault it was. I know, to this day, that the culpability was all mine, but at the time I refused to admit that. Instead, we launched into a blamefest while trying to sop up the water from the floor using approximately 1.3 paper towels. Needless to say, we were not successful.
And it wasn't just a splash here, a splash there, either. I mean, there is NO way that the apartment below ours was saying anything other than "What the fuck is dripping on my face?" when this occurred. Truly awful.
Shmifter took care of everything the next morning by having Jeffy siphon the water back out of the pool through the window and airing the room with a serious of strategically placed fans. Suz and I slept off our hangovers and then apologized a lot. To repeat, not one of my finer moments.
But, so, yeah.
That's how I know what a siphon is.
The end.Labels: accidents, friends |
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| 12 Comments: |
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You mean that stuff really happens? College girls in dorms, wrestling until they land in the pool and then become soaking wet?
It's like finding Sangri-la....
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How I wish you were one of my dormmates in college. I think my time in the dorms would have been so much happier.
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You know that it's on when the first tit punch occurs.
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I don't know what school you went to, but I sure wish I went there with you.
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Holy jeez! I was just measuring the decomposition rate of KClO3 just yesterday! Talk about a weird co inky dink.
~Piney (that man who loves you)
Word verification of the day: tortive. [adj., descriptor used to characterize one's very slow car, e.g., "This death trap is pretty tortive, officer. You really think it could go that fast?"]
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I might actually have lived in the dorms for more than one year had my experience been as entertaining as yours obviously was.
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douche- yes indeed. though I don't think it was exactly as you're picturing. I'll let you have your fantasy though.
Girl- I wish we'd been dormmates too! The pool party could have used another lifeguard. Or any lifeguard.
pdw-throwdown!
nancy- i was very lucky- it was super fun. I wish you had been there as well.
Piney- were you really? I am gullible, please remember this.
Jamelah- I wish you had lived next door with jeffy and the 7 international students (they had an eight person suite). It was pretty awesome. we would have had fun.
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I am confused how a siphon works but I'll take "Congratulations on your wedding! Your husband used to suck our hose" ftw
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so THIS is where the horse syringes and vodka watermelons come in!! its like coming full circle.
great story.. I never lived in a dorm but spent most of my college time hanging around them.. it was the kind of times that makes stories to last a lifetime! thanks for sharing this one Meg, and my god are you the cutest lady hulk ever! :D
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And this is why I love your blog. I never know what sort of story I am going to have the privilege of reading, but I do know that it will be good. Really good!
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Yvo- I know. Just watch me accidentally say it. What does ftw mean? Fort worth?
manu- hahaha! yes! I'd forgotten that we'd talked about that till just now. It's really the only way to make your vodka watermelon work. And thanks for the compliment- earlier in the evening lady hulk also had a fancy headband (that matched her skirt) but she lost it somewhere.
Meetzorp- how sweet are you!
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"Recover, tit punch."
ahahahahaah! amazing.
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Name: A Lover and a Fighter
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You mean that stuff really happens? College girls in dorms, wrestling until they land in the pool and then become soaking wet?
It's like finding Sangri-la....