Hobocamp

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Hi nuggets,

I'm alive. Sorry I haven't posted in a while. It's crazypants around here.

Like right now. I'm kind of crazy right now. I had a final tonight so there's that, and it's beautifully balmy out- the kind of night that makes me just want to walk and walk and walk, but that's not practical. Stupid practicality.

Today at work, I had to go up to a different ICU than the one in which I usually toil. It just so happens that Dr Poop is working up there right now too. I do not like this. I find it annoying.

So, Dr Poop and I work at the same hospital, and occasionally I see him while we're both working. I get SO awkward and flustered and become just one big hot mess when that happens. See, my problem is, I'm convinced that people who watch us interact will know that we are sleeping together. I don't know what exactly would happen if they knew this- I honestly don't think they'd care- but I can't tell my brain that (I accidentally typed "I can't tell my brian that" and I don't know who brian is but isn't that a fun typo? Sorry I'm always keeping you in the dark, brian).

If I DO see him, I try to make sure he doesn't see me. I actively avoid him. Isn't that awkward? And probably doesn't say good things about our relationship?

See, sometimes, if we're both free, we'll meet in the cafeteria for lunch or coffee or something, and I'm completely okay with that. That's normal. We'll kiss hello and goodbye and sit and chat like a totally functional couple.

But my god! If I happen to be working with a family or a kid and he is nearby? HEARING ME WORK? I get really self-conscious and I have to actively make myself concentrate on what I'm doing. What the fuck is wrong with me?

I blame him, most of the time, because he is awkward too. Like a couple of days ago, he and I happened to be walking out the door of the ICU at the same time. This is bad enough. But then he goes "Hey! Is that a new dress?" (I hadn't seen him yet that day.)

"No, not new." I said, quietly, hoping he would also be quiet, having learned from my example.

He peered at it more closely. "Oh, that's right. I've seen that one. Well, I saw it in your closet. I remember the polka dots!" he exclaimed proudly.

Now if someone says something that has the potential to cause you embarrassment, and you don't want to call attention to it, tactic number one should be Do Not Repeat The Scandalous Phrase In A Squeal.

I know because that's what I did.

"You SAW IT in my CLOSET?" I squeaked. Four heads immediately turned toward me. Dr Poop cocked his head, confused.

"Yeah. The other morning. I saw it hanging in there- your closet door was open."

To my ears, it just sounded like he was bellowing "I AM TOTALLY DOING THIS GIRL OH YEAH YOU HAD BETTER BELIEVE IT BOOOOOOYAAAAAA!" in the middle of the ICU. Of course, I'm sure nobody even noticed. But STILL. The shame.

I tried to come up with something casual yet legitimizing to say so that any eavesdroppers would realize that no, Dr Poop and I were NOT sleeping together, he was merely looking at my closet because, um, I had shown him...a picture of it? Because, because he is going to do some repair work! Yes! That's it! Ready, thinking cap? Let's see what you've got! Deus ex machina, Activate!

"MY CLOSET IS TALL AND I HAD TO GET THOSE TAP LIGHTS FOR IT FROM THE DRUG STORE BUT THEY DON'T WORK SO IT IS JUST TALL AND DARK SO SOMETIMES MY OUTFITS DON'T MATCH THAT'S COOL RIGHT HAHAHAHAHA..."

By the grace of god, I ran out of breath and had to stop talking. I chose that moment to make my escape, but I tried to regain some semblance of gross motor skills and maybe walk away all sophisticated-like, so that Dr Poop and the other people standing around would think "Boy, that girl with the Screaming Tourette's sure does have a graceful stride. She must have studied ballet." But as I was "gliding" away so that I could go pick up my dignity from wherever I'd dropped it, I flat-out TRIPPED. I wasn't even wearing heels. And I know, for certain, that many people saw that.

Perhaps I am overreacting. And perhaps a normal adult would have chosen to have some sort of conversation with her paramour before it got to this point wherein they discussed relationship guidelines for the workplace. But you know what? I am no normal adult. I am a 10 year old in a 12 year old's body with a 27 year old's driver's license, and there's not much I can do about it.

xoxox

m

Labels: fake relationships, I'm hopeless and really starting to feel bad about it, inappropriateness, on the job

posted by A Lover and a Fighter at 6:54 AM -

9 Comments:

At 11:04 AM, Lainey said…

Hi, hi, HI! I've missed you and also have been using your name in vain. I have a very inappropriate crush on one of the Directors at my office and whenever he's around, my Megitis flares up. I start talking REALLYLOUDANDFAST and then usually in an effort to get away quickly, I will trip or run into the door frame. Megitis - watch for it on a future episode of "House".

PS: I'm really glad (ha, I keep typing gald instead of glad) things are going well with you and Dr. Poop!
At 8:39 AM, d. said…

I love you. These stories make me miss 10th floor breaktime.
At 11:57 AM, Yvo said…

Missing you!
At 12:07 PM, peterdewolf said…

Tap lights? Your brain went to tap lights?
At 12:56 PM, DanjerusKurves said…

Considering the profession you are both in and your interaction with the public, it seems perfectly normal and reasonable to expect a level of professionalism at work. Having said which, I've always felt weird when my other half visited me at work. It IS unnatural. Compartmentalisation is a necessity!
At 1:31 PM, Lora said…

you're nuts. I love it.
I would totally freak out too if that happened to me.
Miss you, love you, can't wait until you've taken off the crazypants so you can rejoin us here online!
At 12:03 PM, toadely said…

Uh, I remember your post from way back concerning, ya know, "bikini waxing" so there's no possible way you're trapped in a 12 year old's body! Isn't it amazing that out of your entire post concerning workplace etiquette I picked up on that one little detail?
At 12:25 PM, lemonade said…

Thanks for the giggle, Meg. You keep us here at the ShitShowSociety feeling all legitimized and self-esteem-y.
At 11:05 PM, fuckpoliteness said…

Ah...I love to pop by every now and then to hear about your latest escapades. I'm always at work when I do, and even on my lunchbreak I get the 'OMG hold in the giggles' reaction resulting in me shaking silently, my face rigid with the effort of not bellowing with laughter, tears pooling up in my eyes, looking far more insane than if I just laughed out loud. Hope all is well with Dr Poop, I enjoy hearing about your antics together, particularly as relates to the fortune telling bird.