| My pheremones will confuse you. |
Hey there. What's up?
I have this new deodorant that is making me obsessed with myself because, even though it is marketed For The Ladies, to my nose it smells exactly like Man Deodorant. Man Deodorant smells delicious to me- it's spicy and musky and all sorts of other creepy, kind of gross adjectives, but for whatever reason, when I'm near a man and I can smell his Manly Deo, it makes my uterus skip a beat.
Which is all well and good, but the problem is that I bought this new deodorant that I SWEAR TO GOD IS FOR GIRLS but on me, it is manly in odor, and I am now too attracted to myself and my own man deodorant smell to be a functioning member of society.
So maybe that's an exaggeration. But still! I'll be sitting in class and get a whiff of something sensual and delightful, and I'll get a wee little shiver up my spine before I realize that hey, I'm smelling my own armpit. And I'm really, really into it.
This has got to be pretty high on the Weirdo Scale, right guys? I mean, from one to ten, I'm hovering near a 43?
I'd cave and buy more deodorant (not because I feel constrained by gender-normative deodorant smells and therefore am compelled to buy something flowery and delicate with glitter in a singing tube or anything, but because I am constantly so distracted by myself) but here's the problem:
1) The deodorant works well
2) I'm cheap
3) It came in a two-pack (see above). I'm committed!
In other news, I have this new apartment. I moved in about 3 weeks ago, I think. It's very nice so far, but because of working and school and my two volunteer jobs and studying I have been kind of slow in my unpacking. Most people have been very understanding thus far, kind of enabling when you think about it- ("Can I sleep in a sleeping bag on the floor until summer break, you guys?" "sure! That's supposed to be great for your back!") but I think I'm trying everyone's patience/s with my steadfast refusal to be a grown up in a timely fashion. My new roommate, who is exotic and beautiful and so chill and such a nice contrast to the flushed shitshow that is me, has offered to help me unpack, or move things, or sort, and I feel too guilty accepting her help so I just kind of shuffle the boxes around in my room and close the door so she doesn't have to see them.
Dr Poop, who is still around, has said that he's redesigning the game of Life for me to encourage me to reach all the milestones of adulthood. For example, roll a three, land on this square, "time to get license plates for your car, Meg!" Or perhaps spin a wheel, move forward two, and "Next up, dining room chairs!" There are penalty parts too- "Uh oh, your houseguests noticed that your 'couch' is actually an artistically arranged pile of cardboard boxes covered with a bathrobe! Go back 6 spaces!"
I've gotten some emails asking for Dr Poop updates. I guess you could say he's my boyfriend now, and the reason you could say that is that he keeps referring to himself as my boyfriend. Initially, I was really reticent to agree to it because there was never any discussion, or official conversation, or whatever, and I'm used to relationships where both parties are like "I'd like to see you exclusively, but you simply must stop stealing my stuff, blah blah blah" and then for whatever reason things don't work out, you know? Like, I need things to be painfully crystal clear. For example, perhaps he could have prepared a PowerPoint presentation outlining our relationship thus far and illustrating that he would prefer I consider him my boyfriend. He didn't do that, though.
So I wasn't going to make any assumptions with Dr Poop (PS, I totally won and got to see his guest room. It was alright. Not the Xanadu I was expecting. He still hasn't seen the blog, as far as I know.) Anyway, a couple of weeks ago he was giving me some new leave-in conditioner (he's pretty metro, for a pediatrician in the midwest) and he said "Is it weird for you to be getting beauty tips from your boyfriend?" and I said "Eh, it's probably not as weird for me as it should be. I'm not very fancy. Also, are you my boyfriend now? Is that the story?" And he said "Yeah, I guess so." So that's that.
Romantic as hell, right?
He's actually very sweet and attentive and I really like him; the only problem is that I've found the one person less capable of expressing their emotions than I am. So we have that going for us.
I have the day off of work and I don't have school for another 6.5 hours, so I'm off to get some studying done. Can you do me a favor and update me on your life in the comments? I am so out of the loop here.
xoxoxo
megLabels: fake relationships, i'm kind of a jerk, on the homefront |
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| 22 Comments: |
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this post reminded me of the deodorant I wore in college (Secret, original scent. shower fresh?) and it had that musky spicy smell to it when I wore it and I loved it, but I would casually raise my arms just so I could get a whiff. I loved it and found myself quite um drawn to myself, and had to switch.
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You HAVE to say what kind of deodorant it is. Because I would totally do the same thing.
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I totally know what you mean about man deodorant.
In other news, my life is basically a hot mess right now and I miss gchatting with you. We need to get back on that pony.
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GR- why, hello there.
Jennifer- yes, okay, so you understand. This is degree shower fresh (although the person who actually smells like this upon exiting the shower is a lucky, lucky duck) and I'm not sure I can keep it up after I use these two tubes. Bars? Snifters? What the hell do you call a deodorant vessel?
Joy- Degree Shower Fresh! GET IT!
IW- Pumpkin, I'm here! You come find me.
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This is totally not as weird as when your new girlfriend wears the same deo as your ex boyfriend. Just saying.
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AA- that WOULD be confusing!
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I'm super excited to hear about the new place and the new roommate!
Also, this is going to sound VERY strange, but I'm also super excited to see Garret again - I miss his blog! (No, Garret doesn't know me and he didn't pay me to write that, I really did used to enjoy the hell out of his blog and I never commented and then he was gone.)
Ok, sorry, sorry, sorry, back to you. Yay on the Dr. Poop scoop!
(I KNOW I only make myself laugh when I say stupid shit like that, but I can't help it, I'm compelled to say idiotic things.)
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Hi! New reader here. I just wanted to say that I have embarrassed myself countless times by unknowingly complimenting dudes on their deodorant. Old Spice deodorant appranently really does it for me, which seems odd when I think about it because Old Spice just makes me think of Old Man. Anyway, really enjoying your blog and Lainey's Dr. Poop scoop comment. :) AND my captcha word being port ho. HA!
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If you are real slick, you can pull a "smell check" by resting your cheek on the front of your shoulder and nuzzling your nose at the front of your pit. People won't know what you are doing. They will just think you're sleepy and it's a comfy spot. At least that's what I tell myself.
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Lainey- Garrett is so sneaky. I hope he starts posting again.
Jessica- it smells so danged good! and lady deodorant always smells like baby powder. not fair. plus we only earn 80 cents on the dollar.
AML-hmmm. that is not a bad idea. my MO thus far has been to say HEY YOU GUYS. DOESN'T THIS SMELL GOOD? LIKE A MAN? LIKE, DON'T I SMELL MAN-GOOD? Your idea is bette.r
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I've totally done that smell thing with shampoos, deodorants, soaps, you name it. I have a problem.
It usually goes away after a little while though when I get used to the smell. Kind of bittersweet...
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Wow. . . look at this. "Hello there" wasn't really the response I hoped for. I was thinking more along the lines of, "Whenever I smell my armpit I think of you Garrett. . . and I miss your wit" But Lainey, well done. You have stolen my heart! I am totally attracted to people "enjoying the hell" out of me. By the way - I would start posting again but I can't remember my password (or how to use blogger).
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while i dearly heart the more traditional manly deos, have you smelled the things that axe is putting out in the world? it's like a chemical surf festival gone horribly awry.
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Angel- I just got worried about losing the ability to be turned on by myself so I sniffed, and I was horrified- NO MAN SMELL. Then I realized that I'd showered at the gym today instead of at home, and had used a different deodorant. So perhaps I haven't grown accustomed to it yet. that was close.
Oh, FP, your life is so complicated!
Kelsi- NO. Horrendous.
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Oh and also? Why youse gotta make fun of my interior decorating skillz?
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Garrett, I'm sorry I misspelled your name. I guess I was just really excited to see you again and also pretty revved up about Meg's manly smell. I hope you remember your password soon and get back to the posting. You can use my blog if you want. It's sadly lacking in funny. And men. So, it's a lot like my life in that way.
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do you realize the implications this has on guys who are attracted to you and then not to your man-deo!? it boggles the mind!! what does it do? boggles.the.mind... boggles, there is a nice word huh.. ok going now.
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Kelsi- i'm just saying not everyone appreciates our minimalism, which is too darned bad.
Lainey and garrett- do i smell a love connection? no...wait. sorry. i smell my delicious armpit.
manu- once i was babysitting and I used the phrase "boggles the mind" and the precocious little girl I was caring for said "Boggles? That word is boggles? I've been saying bobbles for a really long time. That bobbles the mind. That's not right?" and she was so confident that I questioned MY use of the phrase, but then we gave up and went to watch cartoons.
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Man deo makes me crazy in a good way, too. Sometimes I even mix my girl fragrances with a touch of man cologne to get the right scent. I always thought it was because I'm actually a man trapped inside a woman's body. A gay man, that is.
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I already commented but I had to come back. So, I bought new deodorant yesterday cause it was on sale. I didn't pay any attention to what it was, other than it was on sale.
Today, as I am pulling my hair up to dry it, I smelled something nice. All of a sudden this post came rushing back and I had to check what kind I bought. I also bought the Degree Shower Fresh. It is the stuff for the extra stinky people (me) so any slight movement I make sends the smell up to my nose. I don't even have to do the secret nose tuck!
You are absolutely right. This is heaven. I smell like a man...YEA!:)
P.S. My captcha is fitting today, so I am sharing. It's suretin. I am with my new deodorant. Are you?
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Name: A Lover and a Fighter
Home: New York, NY
About Me: "It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information."
-Oscar Wilde
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I'm jealous. . .