| twice in one day? What the shit??? |
Hi, so sorry, because I know I was just like blah blah blisters blah blah boobs and george bush blah blah, but something funny (to me) just happened and I wanted to tell you.
I'm studying on the couch in the living room, and I have the living room door open (just the screen door closed) because it is beautiful outside today. My dog, Mike, is resting with his head on my feet, because he is darling. Don't believe me? Here he is, jerkstore:
 Clearly, he is camera shy. Or coy. Or something.
So Mike and I are just hanging out, no big thing, when all of a sudden, he gets up quickly. The hair on his back stands straight up (piloerection is one of my favorite words) and he starts growling, low and deep.
Mikey is not a huge dog. He's probably fifty five or sixty pounds, so he's definitely no lap dog, but it's not like he's a mastiff or anything. He's part border-collie, maybe, and part...chow? I don't know. He ain't saying who his daddy is. You guys look at the picture and tell me. I am too blinded by love to be scientific.
Anyway, the point is that he's not horse-sized. However, he has Barry White bark. He can bark really low, and quite loudly. And if you heard him barking but couldn't see his sweet face, you'd think there was a pretty beefy dog in here. But then you'd come in and he'd be so excited he'd just spin in circles and collapse with the exhaustion of loving you so much. Licklicklicklick. That's what he'd do.
Mike continued growling, and then let loose with a stream of huge, low, scary barks. "Mikey," I scolded, not really paying attention because he has a habit of barking to alert me to such dangers as 1) squirrels 2) invisible squirrels 3) it might be daytime.
Mike ignored me and lunged for the door, darting back and forth between the screen and where I was still sitting on my big unconcerned ass. His barking became more intense and his growling was like nothing I've ever heard before. I looked up, but it was only when I heard Mike throw himself against the (locked, thank god) screen door that I actually stood up and walked around to see what was upsetting him so much.
Mike was standing on his hind legs, his forelegs pressing against the screen. All of his teeth were bared and he was growling like mad, his lips trembling. I stepped up to the door next to him and put my arm around his shoulders, and he was so focused that he barely registered my presence. And that's when I saw what was upsetting him so much.
A man was standing on my bottom step. He was trying to leave a stack of political fliers, but he was clearly terrified of the killer beast guarding my manse. (i TOTALLY live in a manse.)
I said "Hi," and the man opened his mouth and said "We're..." and that was all I heard because my dog let loose another endless stream of mean-sounding barks. When Mike stopped for breath, the man tried to speak again, only to be silenced by my dog once more. I said "Maybe you'd better just leave it there." He nodded, left the flier on the bottom step, and retreated, not taking his eyes off of us. Poor sucker probably thought that screen would give way and he'd be attacked by my little doodlebug.
The man walked backwards halfway across my yard, when he decided it was safe and turned around to continue to his car. That's when I saw it- on the back of his t-shirt, in large white letters, it read McCAIN.
That's right, ladies and gentlemen. My dog is an obama mama.
And don't even try to tell me that it's because he was a stranger, because Mike loves most people. In fact, earlier today, the furnace guy came out here, and though he and Mike had never met, Mike didn't react this way at all. He barked a bit, but then laid down and crossed his little ladylike paws and fell asleep. So I have to assume that the furnace guy is a Democrat.Labels: dogs are great, family, McCain gives me the willies, on the homefront |
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| 20 Comments: |
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Yo butt not big, Ah knowz it. First!
Plus, as Van Morrison once said - I wanna be your dog.
Piney
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I'm trying to get the kid to bark at McCain supporters.
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Piney, you do NOT know. that reminds me, though. Have you seen that snl skit where Amy Poehler has a butt pregnancy?
Lora- I can dispatch mike. He is an excellent teacher and adores children.
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Mike is adorable. You should get him an Obama t-shirt.
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Smart dog! Good job training him Mom!
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Animals can smell evil. Fact.
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An Obama fan I suppose? Just announced on the radio that his grandmother passed. :(
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That's not surprising. Dogs can sense fear of change.
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Your dog is a cutie!! He looks like a german shepard mix.
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jamelah- gosh, me too. He's just such a love, even if he throws up at the drop of a hat.
minders- i totally should.
vanessa- i swear, he's naturally liberal.
IW- You are brilliant. Fact.
Fibiaa- oh, that's too bad.
JMH- they are so wise
Pj- me too!
anon- thanks! shepherd, you think? Hm...what else is in there?
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Would you and Mike like this for Christmas? http://www.wisdompanel.com/
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Democrat AND able to spot invisible squirrels? That dog is a keeper.
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if you move back to new york, i will learn how to loudly tell warn you that there are squirrels. or that it's light out. this could work.
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Mrs TK- HA. Look at that!
Pdw- You're telling me.
Kelsi- you are right. this absolutely could. plus, you shed slightly less.
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I'm totally writing in "furnace guy" for president.
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you know, i've been thinking about this, and i was wondering (since you're at school and stuff): is jerkstore what jstor is actually short for?
oh, my god, the rhyming.
anyway, i shed a lot less now that i take my vitamins. winner.
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You should always trust your pets--they are good judges of character. I love the "doodlebug" nickname. I have two cats Papi Chulo (aka "Little shit" and Leona (aka "Pie" or "Princess of the World").
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Name: A Lover and a Fighter
Home: New York, NY
About Me: "It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information."
-Oscar Wilde
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Yo butt not big, Ah knowz it. First!
Plus, as Van Morrison once said - I wanna be your dog.
Piney