Hobocamp

Hi lovers. I have so much to tell you that I've started several frenetic non-sequitor posts but I have yet to finish them. I will this week. However, here are some things that I think you should know.

1) I really, really love seeing rich little white girls who have obviously just returned from tropical, Caribbean vacations with their families and are proudly sporting heads full of cornrows. Go, little white girls. Go. You're funny-looking.

2) I was futzing with my backpack today, trying to get my bottle of water out of the little water bottle holder part when I felt someone put their hand on my hand. Instead of calmly turning around I screamed and kicked my leg backwards because the CAFFEINE HAD MADE ME A LITTLE JUMPY. It was one of the doctors I work for who yelled something to me, which I couldn't hear because I had my pod on and I was rocking to some Bizet wicked loud and in an effort to try to pull myself together and make it look like I wasn't, in fact, tripping my balls off before work, I started talking frenetically at him, saying stuff about WEEKENDS and RAIN and TRAFFIC and HEADPHONES, RIGHT? RIGHT? HAR HAR HAR HAR. Tragically, as smoothly as that may SEEM to have gone, it was complicated even further by the fact that I still had my headphones in and wasn't able to hear myself screeching at him like a well-intentioned banshee. After I finally got my headphones out of my stupid head, he said "Sorry I scared you. I was trying to tell you that your water bottle was stuck- I thought I could get it out for you."

A normal response?
Gosh, thanks. That's nice of you. Sorry I overreacted.

My response?

I DRINK SO MUCH WATER I PEE JUST ALWAYS.

Nice.

3) Last night, I went to a film festival with a young man, who was polite enough to go get our seats while I ran to the restroom. (by the way, thank goodness we live in a country that allows you to write about poop and sex, because if I couldn't, I would have nothing to talk about on this Shitshow of a blog.)

Anyway, I was scurrying back because the movie was starting soon because naturally I was late because I can't parallel park. A man was sitting in the chair closest to the aisle, so as I approached I said "Pardon me," expecting him to stand up so we could engage in that awkward bit of frotteurism one finds in public spaces that involve darkened rooms and semi-reclining chairs. Instead, he just said "sure." And didn't move. So I began to step over him, but all of a sudden I slipped on something hard, and began to fall.

You know how in cartoons, someone will run on a barrel or something else round and just kind of jog in place? That's what happened. I kind of ran in place like a hamster on a wheel for a bit, then finally regained my footing and proceeded down the aisle. When I turned back to apologize to the man, I realized that I had tripped on that old man's CANE. He had to stand there (well, sit, really) and watch as it all played out. He glared at me, which I obviously had coming, but he didn't say anything. I finally made it to my seat and plopped indelicately down, vowing to talk about anything other than what had just happened.

"OHMYGOD DID YOU SEE THAT? I TOTALLY FELL ON THAT GUY'S CANE. I AM SO EMBARRASSED!" I said to the young man.

Good way to start a date, no?