| Things I do at work that maybe aren't the best idea. |
1) Say the F word in meetings. Really casually. Like this: "Will you please pass the f-word bagels?"
2) When patients ask about the benefits of participating in a project, I'll say "Free pregnancy tests! For real!" and I mean it sincerely.
3) Yell "Aw damn!" when the phone rings.
4) Try to pick up the construction workers who are toiling away on our floor building the new pathology lab.
5) Listen to the Inappropriate and Raunchy Comedy Station on my computer radio at a volume level probably intended for the mostly-deef.
6) Consistently get the hots for the married guys. But I'm not a big whore! The thing is, nobody wears wedding rings in the lab or in surgery because it's a bad idea to do so. So sometimes I don't know they're married and then one thing leads to another and then next thing you know, I'm trying to teach their kids to call me "New Mommy Meg."
7) Obviously, most of six isn't true. Only the part where I pine for the marrieds.
8) Overcaffeinate myself to the point of saturation so that the first unfortuante who happens to pass by my slightly cracked office door becomes an unwilling audience to EVERYTHING I HAVE THOUGHT OF SINCE THE LAST TIME I SPOKE including things like paper bag puppets and how awesome they were, the debate over whether or not Savory Oatmeal is a good idea, what an exercise in trust interoffice envelopes are because you can just twist open any old one and nobody would know, and how I really can't believe how cold my office is! I am megalomaniacally THRILLING!
9) Yell things through the grate to the people in the next office so that I don't have to stand up. Ever.
10) Blog.
11) Look at pictures of doctors who work at my hospital and guess how old they were when they lost their virginities. <----- I know that's not right but it made me laugh when I accidentally pluralized it so it stays.
12) Point out everybody's typos, and when they try to point out mine I invent some panicked rationalization as to why my word choice or spelling is actually, esoterically, ridiculously, transparently correct. "You guys. Obviously, it's Olde English. The patient's left leg WAS, IN FACT borken after falling out of a ski lift chair. Jesus. I do NOT have time for people who have no respect for grammar's roots."
13) Confess to the rest of my team that, after 18 months of employment, I still don't know how to delete my voicemails. Someone please do it for me.Labels: on the job |
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| 10 Comments: |
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this wasn't here on wednesday.
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Here are a couple more:
-Have your roommate call an obscene ammount of times to discuss matters not related to work.
-Have your roommates announce themselves as a fake doctors office so as not to seem overly stalkerish "This is Dr. Smith's office calling for Meg. We have her test results." (Also this makes it seem like you have the clap.)
-Have your roommate stop by to chat and have coffee.
Although in my (and Dr.Smith's) humble opinion, I think that you should probably continue to do all of these things!
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Wait wait wait...these are bad things to do? Because I typically save each and every one of these things for those times when my supervisor is at my desk engaging me in conversation. I think some of those docs are still virgins - they might have M.D. tacked onto their names, but some of them are still gobsmacking nerds.
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Yeah, I've basically done all of those, too. Well, except for the medically specific ones.
I dread the phone and have run away from its rings to the water cooler or bathroom, so I could walk back nonchalantly and be all "oh, did I just miss a call? Rats."
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#8 sort of surprises me after all of the work-related bathroom stories you tell.
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Oh Jesus. Borken brought tears to my eyes. :]
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- Wander away from your computer for an extended period. Come back to realize you've left an internet browser up on the screen. And that it's, inevitably, MySpace.
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1. Have pr0n delivered to your office, forgetting you didn't put your name on the mailing address thereby prompting the secretary to open the package to verify the recipient.....and finding your name on the packing list.
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once again, you have successfully cracked my shit up.
yet another thing i shouldn't be doing at my (new) job.
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enough screwing around -- where are the f-word bagels already?
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Name: A Lover and a Fighter
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this wasn't here on wednesday.