| they're on to me |
Well, folks. The jig is up. It happened. They finally caught me.
This morning my bag was searched by the NYPD.
I always see the signs saying "Backpacks and other bags are subject to search," but I never thought they'd actually do it. They did though!
I was coming through the turnstile, and they said "Excuse me, miss? Can we look at your bag?"
Now, embarrassingly enough, I didn't really get what was happening at first. The cop asked if he could see my bag and do you know what I said? I said "Oh, sure! My mom gave it to me for Christmas! Isn't it fun?" like we were two pre-teens standing in front of our lockers before homeroom.
He looked at me with the same expression I gave Becky Winthrop in high school when she pointed to a picture of Mahatma Ghandi and said "Is that Michael Jordan?" Then he said gently, "It's very nice, ma'am. Can we please look inside it?" And then it clicked.
I, friends, was being SEARCHED!
My heart just about stopped. I live in fear of getting in trouble because I have such a big fucking mouth that whenever an authority figure even looks at me funny, I end up screaming out all my indiscretions and doing exactly what the fifth amendment is designed to prohibit.
To be clear, I had absolutely nothing shady in my bag at all. Not a thing. Not like the time they pulled this on the airplane and I had half of Judy Garland's medicine cabinet in there. I mean, that wasn't too incriminating on its own but for some reason- completely unprovoked- I told the security person "THOSE AREN'T MINE. I AM HOLDING THEM FOR A FRIEND" which was just the worst lie ever, and maybe the most transparent. And PS, nothing makes you look guilty faster than doing that.
This time, I had mostly pens, lipgloss, a crossword puzzle, and accidentally like 10 bucks. The cops looked briefly at the bag and sent me on my way. I'm still not clear what they were seeking. Dynamite? A cannon ball with TNT written on it? A bomb labeled "ACME?" Li'l Bastard's Terrorist Disguise Kit (thank you, The Simpsons)? A book called "So You Wanna Blow Stuff Up?"
They didn't find it, whatever it was. And I made it through that very invasive ordeal and emerged unscathed. Miracle of miracles.Labels: subway |
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| 14 Comments: |
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Thank goodness you didn't have a giant anvil in there.
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Glad you weren't carrying a sock. Because, as we know, socks can totally blow things up.
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do they have back rooms in subway stations where they take people for the REALLY invasive searches? that sounds like it would be a recipe for disease. and despite not having a bomb or anvil, it would, however, have been rad if you had some of that paint that they use in cartoons to create tunnels.
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What? No loud, inappropriate comment making you either embarrassed or a suspect? I'm disappointed.
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I thought for sure that story was going to end with you having a bag full of show and tell items for a sex ed class!
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Sounds like the time I was coming back from TJ with a friend and when the border security asked her what high school she went to, she was so freaked out by then that screamed "I was born in Massachusetts!"
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Fraulein- i KNOW. It was a close one too. The anvils I usually carry in my pockets.
Spammer guy- I love judy garland in my own private way and I do not need to go to your msn group to do it.
J- I've heard that.
K- I bet if they do have such rooms, those rooms are in terrible need of sterilization because it is GROSS in the subway.
OTV- Sorry to disappoint. I'm sure, had I had more coffee at that point, I'd be blogging from jail.
UC- I wish I taught a sex ed class.
Manny- Next time, I'll try that line.
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OMG, I'm still lmao at the Michael Jordan remark.
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Yeah, so I'm REALLY behind in reading and posting. So, my question is this...If the NYPD decided to only search Muslim men aged 19-45, would you argue it was racial profiling?
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Hey CS! Long time no see. Absolutely, I'd call that racial profiling. Wouldn't you?
And lest you misunderstand, I wasn't complaining about being searched. Safety first! I was mostly confused about what sort of item would set off their alarm bells, you know?
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Well, I doubt they were really "looking." Pulling the average white American aside and looking through their bags satisfies the local chapter of the ACLU. Unlike urban crime, Islamic terrorism stems from young males from one large ethnic group.
It's interesting to note how no one was screaming racial profiling or even ethnic profiling in the aftermath of the Oklahoma City bombing. For at least two years, white American males driving any sort of moving truck through downtown would be stopped an searched. A friend of mine worked with a transportation company at the time and was stopped at least 3-4 times a week.
It would be interetsing to research the treatment of Irish Americans during the the uprising of the IRA during the latter half of the 20th Century in cities such as Boston and New York.
If they were indeed stopped at a disproportionate ratio to other ethnic groups, it would be interesting to see if any issue was made out of it.
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Yes, yes, CS, we know. Poooooor little white males, so maligned. It's so HARD for them. Tragic.
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Name: A Lover and a Fighter
Home: New York, NY
About Me: "It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information."
-Oscar Wilde
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Thank goodness you didn't have a giant anvil in there.