*This post includes a link that will definitely get you all kinds of fired if you open it at work, unless you work somewhere Super Sexxi like my friend CoKane.
So wait until you get home, okay? Then we can all look at our porn in peace.
Have I told you about my friend J? She's absolutely wonderful. We've been the best of friends since we met- I believe I was ten- and she's one of the funniest, smartest, most creative people I know. I just love her.
So today I was at work, and she IMs me with this question:
J: hey, question - is it weird to refer to a tree as "in full bloom"? What do you call a tree at its most leafiest? 1:22 PM me: i have seen both- "its leafiest" AND "in full bloom"
you could maybe also say at its zenith or something more abstract
1:23 PM J: oh nice, i like that yeah i decided to just describe them it's from a guy's point of view too, so i have keep it fairly simple
1:26 PM me: what are you writing? sounds fancy
1:27 PM J: hardly. just some fanfic, because i'm the nerdiest of the nerdy
1:29 PM me: fanfic?
fan fiction? of what are you a fan?
1:30 PM J: um
harry potter.
1:41 PM me: NO WAY. you nerd!
1:42 PM J: i know, i'm out of control but it's so fun
1:47 PM me: it's funny i want to read it
1:49 PM J:haha well this one isn't done, but i posted another last week that you can read if you really want to be warned though, they're highly work inappropriate 1:50 PM it's slash, takes place when the boys are about 24-25ish and they're horny buggers, let me tell you
1:56 PM J: i've totally become THAT GIRL who writes internet porn, meg what's going on
me: are you playing a prank on me?
you write harry potter porn? do you get paid?
J: no, yes and no, sadly 1:57 PM i've only posted one so far but we'll see how it goes :0 :) 1:58 PM me: send me the link! hahaha isn't that awesome
me: HA! It's gay porn!
how did you start this?
J: i don't even remember i think it started with newsies i got really into newsies slash and then i ran out of stuff to read and i read a couple harry/rons and was like, yes 2:00 PM so then i had to read the actual harry potters which i hadn't done yet so i read them just for the slash and then was inspired to join in the fun
2:01 PM me: you're the worst lesbian ever. can i blog about this conversation? i won't identify you
J: hahaha sure go for it i love being anonymously famous
me: so do your readers appreciate your work?
2:02 PM J: so far, yeah, i got some good comments on this one
...and my mom liked it.
And scene!
That night I went home and read a lot of the Harry Potter Porn out loud to Lolo, and she begged me to stop after the phrase "Harry Potter's pre-come" made her cry. She eventually recovered, and now it's just something we say around the house, like "What is this spot on this dish, Harry Potter's pre-come?" Or "This shampoo smells like coconut and looks like Harry Potter's pre-come." Actually, Harry Potter's pre-come could actually smell like coconut, who knows? He's magical. Although he's English so it probably smells like sausages and latent homosexual tendencies (just kidding, England! you know I love you). Obviously, HP's PC smells like the Queen.Labels: friends, inappropriateness, sex, silly |
I'm not freaked out by internet porn, and I'm not freaked out by homosexuality, and I'm not freaked out by Harry Potter... but when you put all those things together?
I'm a little freaked out.
It's like ghosts, or good Boston drivers, or Bigfoot, or the female orgasm - you know they exist, you just never think you'll actually see it.