Hobocamp

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

This note was on our door last night. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. As usual, all bolding is mine and all spelling and grammar errors are someone else's. All I's gonna say about this is that this is what happens when the mean age of your neighbors is 86 and they sit at home and stare out their windows all the livelong day.

Love,
Me

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COMMUNITY at (redacted) Street and (redacted) Avenue in Astoria

Dears Neighbors,

Your neighbors are passing around this petition to have our currently postal worker, Gary, removed from our route. He has been a menace to our neighborhood for far too long.

Complains to our post office, Woolsey Station have gone unanswered. We, the neighbors have witnessed all sorts of transgressions over the years. These include and are not limited to: erratic behavior, improper disposal of mail (stuffing addressed mail in the sewars), tearing up mail, destruction of personal property, littering sidewalk with rubber bands, rude behavior towards various neighbors and simply not delivering mail to mailboxes or wrong addresses.

Blah blah blah Inspector General's office blah blah Postal Investigators blah blah violent behavior blah....

Please SIGN BELOW

The Neighborhood

The sole purpose of this petition is to have our current Postal Service worker; Gary (last name unknown) removed from our territory, permanently. Nothing more, nothing less. You are not alone in your thoughts, there are a good number of long term neighbors that want this accomplished.

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How fun is that? Granted, Gary is kind of a terror. He steals my Self magazine every month. Every month!( At least I assume it is him. I haven't noticed a dramatic change in his physique so I don't know if he is following the Bikini Body Workout that religiously.)

And I don't have too many terribly important things that come in the mail, so I'm a bit more blase about it than they are. I'm sure if I was waiting for grad school letters or if I didn't pay all of my bills online I'd be much more riled about all of this. But such vitriole on the part of my neighbors!

To be fair, though, I did some investigative research and here is some footage gathered by my neighbors. As you can see, Gary really has no respect for the correspondence intended for the residents of my street:

Labels: old people, on the homefront

posted by A Lover and a Fighter at 6:47 AM -

5 Comments:

At 9:33 PM, dmbmeg said…

I wish Gary would steal all of those unsolicited credit card offers I get in the mail.
At 9:24 AM, TK said…

My mailman steals my Sports Illustrateds, but he usually delivers them the following day. I'm cool with it.

Honestly, who has so much free time that they a)interact that much with the mailman anyway, and b) then writes a damn petition?

You should circulate a petition demanding that your neighbors shut the fuck up and get a damn hobby.
At 2:25 PM, The Ursine Calamity said…

My mailman is having an affair with the woman who lives next door to me, which is something I didn't thin happened outside of movies...
At 10:20 PM, Joie de Vivre said…

poor Gary, doing no harm, apart from the odd wank here and there to your health mags, and stamping the post with his bum.

wonder what that job pays?
At 4:42 PM, Veggieboo said…

I just discovered your blog today & it's awesome. You are so funny & witty. You don't happen to have a book out do you? Ok, have to continue to read the rest of your entries :)