| I guess I've been watching more TV than usual lately... |
Because I hate this campaign so much too!
Have you guys seen these Kleenex commercials? The ones where a guy tries to make poor unsuspecting passers-by sit down and weep with him? I've never seen such a ridiculously blatant emotionally manipulative campaign in my whole entire life. When I first saw it, I didn't even know what they wanted me to buy or vote for or watch, live at five.
I think the reason it bothers me so much is because I would be so colossally offended if someone tried to stop me on the street (I'm very important and always in a hurry), sit down on a couch with them (how awkward and date rape-y), and cry over some terrible memory or share some sweet nostalgia (too intimate too soon).
You usually only get wee snippets of the conversations so we really have no idea what is being said, but I picture them going a lot like this:
Kleenex guy: Hi, can we talk for a minute?
Tissue victim: No thanks.
Kleenex guy: WAIT! Please talk to me!? I feel...so...alone.
Tissue victim: This is making me uncomfortable. Do you want me to call someone for you?
KG: I will give you some money and you can be on TV.
TV: Great! So, what, this couch right here?
KG: Yes. Isn't this nice?
TV: I guess its okay.
KG: You're fat and ugly and unlovable.
TV: (Bursts into tears)
KG: Here is a tissue, Lady ChubbsALot
TV, wiping face: Thank you.
KG: I love Kleenex.
I also thought that maybe the Kleenex Guy hangs out outside of funeral homes, catching mourners as they file through the door.
KG: Hey! HEYYYY! HOW'S YOUR DAD? STILL DEAD, IS HE?
TVS: Boo hoo hoo...
KG: (Throws a box of Kleenex at them from afar) Kleenex is so GREAT!
The other possibility to consider (and I'm hoping the media does an expose on this soon) is violence against the Tissue Victims, for the sake of tears on camera.
TV, noticing the cameras: Oh my gosh, are you guys filming something here? Like Law and Order? It's Law and Order, right? Do you need extras? Holy shit, I'm going to be on Law and Order!
KG: (Kicks him)
TV: (cries)
Camera: (films)
In reality, I believe the Kleenex Guy asks them about their families and they break down. If it were me, he'd probably have to ask me about my beloved dog Bridie (may she rest in peace!) or that scene in Dumbo where Mrs Jumbo is rocking her baby in her trunk from jail and, oh jesus, that scene in Congo where the scientists are fleeing the island via hot air balloon, and they have to leave AmyGoodMonkey behind! And she keeps signing that she's Amy, Good Monkey! Amy, Good Monkey! She doesn't understand why she can't go!* Oh, I'm welling up now!
But that's just not fair. To play on people's emotions like that for the sake of tissue promotion really bothers me. Also, I don't like the Overt Weeping Agenda. I have better things to do with my time.
I guess I am remembering now why I don't watch too much TV- the exception being MASH and The Girls Next Door. I already feel sorry for whomever is charged with caring for me in my elderliness, when I have nothing to do but shout at the tv all day long. I'll probably foam at the mouth and throw my booze bottles at the screen.
I can't wait!
*Amy cannot go because she is now a killer murderer monkey- the worst kind.
Labels: commercials |
|
| 9 Comments: |
-
Those commercials ARE super dumb. Mostly because kleenex aren't only for crying people. They need to show some cokeheads with spontaneous nosebleeds in sketchy bathrooms cramming balled-up kleenexes up their nostrils. Or maybe me in my own bathroom, screaming at my roommate to throw in a box of tissues because we're out of toilet paper again. There's lots of untapped markets here.
-
Amy, Good Monkey! Priceless. Any blog that manages to reference Congo gets a gold star from me. I can hear Tim Curry's crappy accent now...
-
well done! there are many commercial campaigns to hate. you could totally do a looooooooooooong series on this.
like, for example, the verizon ad for some phone that's also an mp3 player where the sweaty guy at the gym is "pumped" to be listening to fallout boy.
is that really something he should admit in public? and should he really be doing that gay-ass dance? and is he really allowed to refer to his fag-hag as his "lady"? (because i still say straight guys don't listen to fallout boy.) i think not.
-
Oh come on now. Everyone knows there are only three uses for kleenex: blowing your nose, wiping up spilled drinks, and post-masturbation clean-up.
Cokeheads can't afford kleenex, that's what paper towels or McDonalds napkins are for.
Perhaps I've overshared.
-
Okay two things:
1) Wasn't Amy a gorilla?
2) Kleenex are bad for the environment. That is why I use gold embroidered handkerchiefs. (of course I dispose of them after one blow of my nose, but I donate them to the homeless so that balances me out I think)
-
Cokeheads can afford anything. They put it on credit because it's only a matter of time before their careers hit it big-time. That's what all the barroom blowjob networking is about. Seriously. Do I have something on my lip?h
-
Cokeheads don't use kleenex, silly people! They sniff hard if they get a nosebleed to sop up all that wonderful coke coating the insides of their nostrils... I mean, wiping off coke-saturated blood on a Kleenex would just be wasting good money!
-
I am so amazed that you decided to post about this- didn't you know it would open the forum for everyone to comment on noses, boogers, tissues, sticking tissues in noses and the like? Why would you do that to yourself? I can hear you dry heaving right now.
-
ohno, i had forgotten bout that scene from congo ... reaching for the kleenex now. Are you on commission?
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
Name: A Lover and a Fighter
Home: New York, NY
About Me: "It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information."
-Oscar Wilde
See my profile...
|
|
|
|
|
background by tayler
TackODing font
|
|
Those commercials ARE super dumb. Mostly because kleenex aren't only for crying people. They need to show some cokeheads with spontaneous nosebleeds in sketchy bathrooms cramming balled-up kleenexes up their nostrils. Or maybe me in my own bathroom, screaming at my roommate to throw in a box of tissues because we're out of toilet paper again. There's lots of untapped markets here.